Archive for the 'Men Women and Marriage Jokes' Category
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Some newly married friends were visiting them when the topic of children came up.
The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.
They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he’d put an end to things by saying boldly, “After our second child, […]
Mrs. Johnson decided to have her own portrait painted by a very famous artist.
She told the artist, “Paint me with 3- carat diamond earrings, a large diamond necklace, glimmering emerald bracelets, and a beautiful red ruby pendant.”
“But ma’am, you are not wearing any of those things.”
“I know,” said Mrs. Johnson. “My health is not good […]
Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.” And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
One year Fred and Edna went to the […]
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
“You’re running around with other women,” she charged.
“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.”
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It […]
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer.
“I’m going to a lecture.” The man said.
“And who is going to give a lecture […]
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed… driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the […]
